KANSAS CITY, Mo. - 'Tis the season for giving thanks, but for children, the focus is often more on what they may get than give. Many parents may be wondering how to teach their children about gratitude - with a lesson that can last longer than the holiday season.
Dr. Rochelle Harris, a pediatric clinical psychologist with Children's Mercy Hospitals and Clinics, says gratitude is all in the attitude. She says positive interactions shape behavior more effectively than negative interactions.
"Kids have lots of disappointments throughout a routine day or over the course of a week. How parents help them think about those disappointments can make a difference in terms of their general feelings about themselves, and what they think is working well in their lives."
Parents, Harris says, need to model a behavior of gratitude, teach children to give back and show acts of service, and make it routine - whether at mealtime or bedtime - to ask children what they're grateful for each day.
Don't worry, she says, if your young child gives thanks for a present.
"There is a real developmental progression in terms of kids' ability even to articulate gratefulness for more abstract things. So parents can shape or model that over time."
Having your children write thank-you notes is a way to express gratitude, not only for presents but for acts of kindness they've experienced as well.
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Pennsylvania nonprofits are working with teens in foster care to ensure they have the resources they will need to navigate life once they are out of the system.
In Pennsylvania, about 15,000 children are in temporary foster care.
Joseph Birli, CEO of Bethany Children's Home, said they have a congregate care setting to assist those who have been traumatized. He pointed out teens may need emergency shelter if they're at risk for human trafficking. And the staff works with them as they age out of the system.
"Our 18- to 21-year-old population, we do a life skills training for them," Birli explained. "We offer them opportunities to learn about budgeting and caring for themselves so that, as they become citizens and do discharge out of service, that they're going to be somewhat prepared to live on their own."
About 20,000 young people exit foster care each year in the U.S., according to the Annie E. Casey Foundation.
In Pennsylvania, Birli said 18-year-olds can leave the foster care system but can return if needed until age 21 by contacting their county. He added many do return, after realizing life is tougher than expected.
Kerry Krieger, executive director of Delta Family Services, said they support foster youth through age 21 with a supervised independent living program. Young people live in their own apartments, with the agency covering rent, utilities and stipends. A life skills coach checks in weekly to offer guidance and support, filling the gap when family is not there.
"We use an evidence-based life skills curriculum, so they have to be doing the rules -- not only of the program, but of staying in dependent care -- is that they have to be going to school and/or have a job."
Krieger emphasized the goal is for a young person to leave care with a supportive, unpaid adult connection, but also with some education and job skills, stable housing and access to health care. She added in Pennsylvania, a person 16 or older with a history of foster care can get a tuition waiver they can use at many state or community colleges.
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New research by social scientists showed children who suffer traumatic experiences growing up are more likely to use firearms defensively as adults.
Iowa mental health experts said early intervention is key to addressing the problem. The research, done by social scientists are Rutgers University, asked respondents about abuse and neglect they suffered as kids, depression, their levels of social distrust and sensitivity to perceived threats. Then they asked them about their use of guns when they feel threatened.
Lisa Cushatt, executive director of the nonprofit Iowa ACEs 360, an organization working with kids who have experienced childhood trauma, said recognizing a child's triggers early on is critical.
"You and I may not perceive threats that another person does because that's based off of our own perspective and experience," Cushatt explained. "A person who has experienced significant trauma may see threats in setting or ways that you and I don't anticipate or understand."
Cushatt emphasized once people recognize triggers among youth who have been traumatized, it is easier to de-escalate a potentially dangerous situation, reducing the chances the child will use weapons when they feel threatened as adults.
Cushatt added the early intervention not only shortcuts potentially dangerous situations for children and those around them but reduces the cumulative effect of traumatic experiences over time. She noted while the field of research is fairly new, social scientists are learning there are lots of factors bearing on what children carry with them into adulthood, and school settings are critical.
"In Iowa, I think schools are increasingly doing more to understand the science behind adverse childhood experiences and trauma, and understanding how things in the school setting may impact kids who've experienced trauma," Cushatt observed.
Cushatt stressed because school officials better understand triggers, they can develop response strategies and de-escalation techniques to handle potentially dangerous situations. The research was published by the National Library of Medicine.
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January is National Mentoring Month, and organizations like MENTOR Indiana are making a difference in young lives.
MENTOR Indiana is part of the Indiana Youth Institute. For nearly 20 years, it has connected young Hoosiers with caring adults.
Tami Silverman, president and CEO of the institute, said mentoring changes lives and there is research to prove it.
"When a young person has a mentor, they're 55% more likely to enroll in college, 78% more likely to volunteer in their home communities and they're twice as likely to hold a leadership position," Silverman outlined.
She pointed out their work ensures young people get the support they need to succeed. Despite the benefits, one in three young people lacks a mentor outside their family. Silverman stressed the gap leaves millions without the guidance they need to thrive.
To help close the gap, MENTOR Indiana follows proven practices to build strong and lasting mentor-mentee relationships. The organization partners with schools, nonprofits and community groups to meet the diverse needs of Indiana youth.
"That can translate into helping them talk through difficult things in their own life," Silverman added. "Whether that's friends' interactions or school, or trying to find work or thinking about what they want to do when they grow up."
She emphasized their efforts also address broader challenges like education gaps, mental health struggles, and community violence.
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