NASHVILLE, Tenn. - The holidays are upon us, and images of peace, love, harmony and family togetherness are popping up everywhere. However, the reality is that this can also be one of the most tense and stressful times of the year for many people.

Dr. Mort Orman, a stress relief expert, says family members have different ways of celebrating holidays, and if they do not voice those expectations, problems are sure to surface and cause stress.

"Because of our expectations, we want things to go a certain way. When people start behaving differently, we try to get them to do something the way we want them to do it, and sometimes they don't want to do that or that's not their particular way of doing it."

People should be willing to say "no," even if it means disappointing someone, Orman advises, because just trying to balance family commitments during the holidays often overburdens family members and causes more unnecessary stress.

Planning is also an important factor to ensure the next six weeks will be restful, memorable and meaningful. Orman advises families to plan their budgets, trips, dinners and visiting times. He also suggests focusing on the things that you are able to control - even in situations that can sometimes seem out of control.

"Sometimes you may not be able to control somebody else's behavior or the traffic jam or the long lines at the check-out, but you do have some control over your own patterns: when you start shopping; how much time you allow to travel around during the holidays; how you respond to other people and relate to other people."

The doctor's best advice may be that no one can "do it all," so be practical and build in some time to connect with spouse and children during the holidays. Children often take their cues from parents, he notes, so when parents are stressed, children's emotions can quickly ramp up, too.

More information is available at http://ormanstressrelief.com.





get more stories like this via email

Ahead of Mother's Day, one Kentucky middle-school student has received recognition for honoring his grandmother in a "Grandparent of the Year" essay contest sponsored by the Kentucky Retired Teachers Association and AARP Kentucky.

In his winning essay, P.J. Brock describes his grandmother Sue as "caring, kind, hardworking, selfless and loving."

Sue Beeler, 74, a retired teacher's aide, said she encourages all grandparents to nurture strong relationships with their grandchildren.

"You get closer to 'em," she said, "and the kids appreciate you more, and do stuff more for you when they grow up."

According to the group Kentucky Youth Advocates, 55,000 kids in the Commonwealth, or an estimated 6%, live with a relative that isn't their biological parent, and is often a grandparent. That's among the highest rates in the nation.

P.J. presented his essay to an audience of 300 retired educators at a ceremony in Louisville, and won a $500 award.

May is Older Americans Month, and P.J.'s mom, Ashley Beeler, said she's grateful Sue has been recognized for her dedication to her family. She noted that her mother stepped in to help raise P.J. during times of crisis, which helped strengthen the bond between grandson and grandmother.

"It was just a hard time," she said, "but, I mean, we've got past it now. We're doing good, the kids and I, and mom."

Nationwide, grandparent caregivers often face financial burdens, housing instability, food insecurity and mental-health struggles. One report by Generations United found about 31% of children growing up in grand-families live in poverty, compared with 18% of children living with parents. And nearly half of all grandparents raising grandchildren are no longer in the labor force.

As Ohio approaches National Foster Care Month in May, one family's journey highlights how therapeutic foster care can change lives.

A 12-year-old boy who was previously moved between multiple residential facilities found hope when a familiar face from his past stepped forward.

Gretchen Emch, adoption assessor for the Columbiana County Department of Job and Family Services, recalled how it began.

"She was actually a behavior specialist at his school; said that this young man reminded her of her younger brother," Emch recounted. "They connected very well, and she wanted to try and visit him and figure out what to do."

The behavior specialist and her husband became licensed treatment foster parents through Ohio's pilot program, which funds therapeutic care to keep children with trauma out of group settings and closer to community. Critics argued the program still needs more staffing and funding to meet statewide demand.

Patrick, the boy's foster father, advised anyone with a spark of interest in fostering to reach out to county organizations. He said their family has been guided and supported every step of the way and fostering has deeply enriched their lives.

"If you show any interest, they will help guide you through the entire process," Patrick explained. "It was super helpful. And honestly, it's a blessing having this new face in our home, this new life in our home and having to teach each other experiences and tell stories and this, that, and the other. It's been amazing."

The Treatment Foster Home Pilot, launched under Gov. DeWine, now funds 11 county collaboratives in Ohio.

Advocates said stories like this show what's possible but emphasized the state must ensure sustainable support if it hopes to recruit more families for youth with complex needs.


get more stories like this via email

At Thanksgiving, millions of Americans will see relatives who may be on the other side of the political divide for the first time since the election and experts have some tips for approaching the conversation.

Emma Nadler is a therapist, speaker and author of the book "The Unlikely Village of Eden." She suggested people consider what their overall goal is for the evening -- and the relationships -- and respond accordingly.

"When you feel yourself getting angry, frustrated, take a few seconds to consider, 'How do I honor my purpose here? What do I want to say next that brings me back to why I'm here at this holiday?'" Nadler recommended.

The group Braver Angels promotes civil political discussions. It suggested people focus on finding out where the other person is coming from, without putting him or her on the defensive, and try to find common ground before stating an opposing viewpoint.

Nadler added if the conversation takes a wrong turn, it is best to take a long pause, maybe pitch in with the dishes or take a walk rather than let things get nasty.

"Anyone can say and do things they regret," Nadler stressed. "It takes about at least 20 minutes of non-activating conversation to get back to your baseline regulation. So it's not two minutes."

Some families may choose to send out an email ahead of time to set the tone for the holiday, in hopes the Thanksgiving gathering will be about enjoying the time together, where people include and respect each other regardless of political viewpoints.


get more stories like this via email