Knowing how to approach the grief of others can be difficult, although things can get more complicated when addressing the grief of students in school settings.

Estimates indicate that nearly 7% of children in the U.S. will experience the death of a sibling or parent by the age of 18. Overcoming the cultural taboo around dealing with grief is especially important for teachers and other education personnel.

Gilly Cannon, director of the Children's Bereavement Services at Caring Matters in Gaithersburg, said it's important for educators and families to work together to support a grieving child at school.

"If schools were going to do three things," said Cannon, "they need to show that they care about the students, I want them to show that they can listen deeply without judging, and I'd want them to let the student know that school is a safe place for them to be present in, with their grief."

She said listening without judging involves being able to really hear the other person without needing to share your own experience, or making a judgment about the validity of the other person's feelings.

During these conversations people have to deal with their own impulse to want to fix things for the other person, or put a positive spin on the situation. Cannon recommended against both, and said people should begin by acknowledging what's happened.

"Let them know that you've heard that their person has died, and that you are very sad about that news," said Cannon. "So you're showing them that you are acknowledging it, you're aware of it, what you don't want to then do is to try and make them feel better."

Cannon said she believes that educators need to maintain the institutional awareness of the child's experience of loss, and ensure it travels with them during their school years.

"When a child is grieving," said Cannon, "you need to ensure that as they move from class to class and grade to grade and school to school, that you're passing on that information that this child has had a significant loss, because children revisit their grief as they grow. Their grief morphs and changes as they get older and they have milestones without that person."

Cannon also recommended that people avoid well intentioned clichés such as the idea of the deceased person "being in a better place" or that they wouldn't want to see them cry.

She says these kinds of clichés imply that a grieving person should feel better and hold back their tears, but the message communicated to the grieving person is that their feelings are not valid.

"You don't want to diminish any of their feelings," said Cannon. "You want them to be able to say how they're feeling. And also to know that there's no good or bad feelings, there's feelings. There's no judgment on how they're feeling."

Republican-sponsored bills and amendments in the Legislature would eliminate the Tennessee Commission on Children and Youth. More than 1.5-million children live in Tennessee. TCCY said it is a critical component of keeping children's issues front and center.

Kylie Graves, policy specialist for the Tennessee Commission on Children and Youth, said it was never consulted about the legislation, and the text in the amendment would remove any mention of the agency from the state code. She added that dismantling the commission will cause Tennessee to lose the only entity that works to address the well-being of children.

"So very short turnaround there, kind of a mix of trying to wrap our heads around what the amendment does, what it would mean for us to be completely deleted from code, it would mean that we would no longer exist, and all of our programs would have to go elsewhere if they were to continue, " she said.

Graves added the commission is reaching out to legislators who will be voting on the bills, explaining the value the panel brings as an independent consolidated state agency. Two measures are in play in the legislature. House Bill 330 will be presented before the House Children and Family Affairs Subcommittee today and Senate Bill 282 will go before the Senate Health and Welfare Committee tomorrow.

Graves said the commission has partnered with the Annie E. Casey Foundation's Kids Count for more than 30 years and they set up the infrastructure and collect data for reports. She noted the foundation will not partner with another non-independent state agency to do this work because of trust and reliability.

"To us, that's just another clear example of how we were not consulted on this legislation or where programs will move because the Kids Count work, including the State of the Child, the county profiles, our data center, all of that cannot go to another state agency. And so nonprofits will have to pick up that work," she added.

Graves said the commission is the only state agency tasked with looking at issues across the childhood spectrum and making recommendations to improve those systems, and added the 21-person board is made up of members appointed by the governor and can serve up to nine years. At least one member is appointed from each of Tennessee's nine development districts.

A recent report on the child welfare workforce shortage looks at how worker turnover, recruitment, and retention are impacting children and families in the care system.

The Philadelphia Child Welfare Workforce Taskforce made recommendations to the City's human services department to improve it.

Samea Kim - Vice President of Legal and Public Affairs for the Pennsylvania Council of Children, Youth, and Family Services - said they surveyed 281 workers in Philadelphia's child welfare system and found that a lack of funding was the number one issue.

"In our survey," said Kim, "when we asked participants what the top five factors are that would cause them to leave this field, over 80% of respondents noted that salary was probably the number one factor for them in sort of determining their future in this field."

Kim said they found the average salaries of foster care providers and community caseworkers was thousands of dollars less than a Philadelphia DHS employee, and added that 44% of child welfare workers had a second job to supplement their income.

Kim explained that they also studied the employee turnover rate in foster care.

Prior to the COVID-19 pandemic, the child welfare workforce struggled with recruitment and retention, and Kim said average turnover rates of 20% to 40% were not uncommon.

"When we looked at the Philadelphia community umbrella agencies, most recently, their average turnover rate was 45%, which is a pretty high departure from pre-pandemic levels," said Kim. "It's also really far from what is seen as a manageable or sort of good turnover rate of 10%."

Kim emphasized that the report found high turnover rates led to workload increases for remaining caseworkers, making them reconsider their future in these jobs.

Kim said the task force also recommended additional funding to reduce the workload for new caseworkers, and allow agencies to hire a bullpen of providers who can be on standby when the caseload spikes.

Knowing how to hold space for the grief of children can be complex, but learning how to do it is vital for their well-being.

A death in the family is always traumatic, but deaths due to overdose bring their own unique pain and are on the rise. The National Institutes of Health reports U.S. overdose deaths reached a record of more than 106,000 in 2021, a near 20% increase from the year prior.

With those statistics in mind, the nonprofit National Alliance for Children's Grief will be focusing on the aftermath of overdose deaths as it holds its national conference and webcast in Baltimore March 21.

Vicki Jay, CEO of the alliance, said grief stays with people as they age, and we owe it to kids to address their grief head on.

"The cost of inaction affects the health of our kids, the emotional health, their academic performance, their relationships, all of the above," Jay explained. "It's so much easier in my opinion, to address grief when it affects a child rather than waiting 'til they are a broken adult and try to fix that."

Estimates indicate one in 12 children in Maryland will experience the death of a sibling or parent by age 18.

Family members and children of those who die as a result of a substance-use disorder have often experienced a complex and unreliable relationship with the person. Jay explained the inconsistency can affect the sense of trust in a child.

"If you live in an environment where people are not themselves much of the time, who do you trust and who do you turn to and what is real and what is not real?" Jay emphasized. "Those kinds of things are scary for kids."

When children carry grief with them, it can change through time as they experience life's milestones without their person. At times grief may take the form of acting out, and Jay added adults need to be mindful of a child's experience of loss.

"When a child misbehaves at school, we assume that was his goal that day," Jay pointed out. "'I got up and decided I wanted to draw my teacher crazy,' without looking beyond that and say, 'Why is this child struggling in the classroom?' And many times it goes back to loss and changes in his own personal life."