NASHVILLE, Tenn. - The divorce rate in the United States continues to fall, but a large percentage of couples still call it quits despite their vows of "for better or worse."

The reasons can vary as much as the individuals involved, although experts say there are ways to safeguard a marriage, especially when children join the family.

Babies and children can bring stresses ranging from a lack of sleep to extra expense and housework, said marriage counselor Patricia Mackie, so it is vital for two parents to be on the same page.

"If parents aren't really talking about how they're going to raise their children - they're not talking about their style, they're not in agreement on what they're doing, whether it's attachment parenting or any other style of parenting - that's very difficult on a marriage," she said.

Another key to getting through those first few years with children, Mackie said, is making sure fathers aren't left feeling like a "third wheel," as sometimes can happen.

"What research shows is the more that dads are involved, the more they get involved in the parenting and the daily lives of their children and playing with their kids and their wives together, the better their marriages are," she said. "So, I think that's just a crucial piece, as far as marriage goes and attachment parenting, is that dads have to be involved."

While children can bring challenges to a marriage, Mackie noted, couples with children actually have a lower divorce rate than do those without them.

"One of the things that research is also showing is that couples that share a family-centered view of family life and value raising children (are) more emotionally invested in each other," she said, "and they're less prone to divorce than those couples who don't have children or who don't necessarily value that family life and the raising of the children."

The biggest issue marriage counselors now are seeing is technology, Mackie said, as more laptops, iPads and cell phones are adding distractions - even in the bedroom.

The divorce rate in America peaked at around 50 percent in the 1980s and slowly has been trending downward. It is now slightly more than 40 percent.

More information is online at attachmentparenting.org.


get more stories like this via email

United Way of Connecticut is launching a network hub for family child care providers. The new hub, created in partnership with the Connecticut Office of Early Childhood, connects family child care services into regional networks to help families looking for child care.

Recent deficiencies in child care have been influenced by the COVID-19 pandemic. According to a study by the University of California-Berkeley, child care jobs plummeted at the start of the pandemic, but they have been rebounding steadily.

Sherri Sutera, senior vice president of child care service at the United Way of Connecticut, described some of the goals of the program.

"A goal is to really increase the number of individuals in that field," Sutera explained. "By doing that, we want to make it more cost-effective for them to do that, to have them have access to all sorts of resources and support, so they can actually create a business out of their home."

Another goal is helping child care providers attain national accreditation. While the program is still new, there are certain elements Sutera will grow in the future, including expanding the number of toddlers family child care home providers are allowed to work with, which the state currently caps.

Sutera noted there are some misconceptions about working in child care. The most common is families not considering family child care as a way to care for kids while they are working or doing higher education activities. She added the program is designed to alleviate some of the burdens working in child care brings. It will also address some things child care providers are not always able to take on.

"They don't have a lot of time to take advantage of professional development opportunities," Sutera outlined. "To really spend time on administrative tasks, managing enrollment and paperwork, and doing taxes, and working toward professional-development goals and quality indicators such as getting accredited."

Sutera is excited to work with child care providers and hopes to bring them together with families who need them.

Parenting was challenging even before the COVID pandemic, but a unique program in Cambridge teaches new parents the skills they need to nurture their children and themselves.

It's called Baby University and includes 14 once-weekly parent-child playgroups and workshops, that cover everything from a child's brain development to parent relaxation techniques.

Shirley Elliott is a recent graduate. She said she initially joined the program to help build a community for herself and her three-year-old daughter.

"It's about understanding that you're not on this journey alone," said Elliott, "and if you reach out, others can come to you, because we really are going through the same thing."

Baby University is part of the City of Cambridge Department of Human Service Programs. Parents also receive in-home visits by 'Baby U' staff and learn to grow support networks, as well as new friendships.

While priority is given to low-income families, all new parents in Cambridge are welcome to join. More than 460 have graduated, so far.

Baby U was inspired by the successful Harlem Children's Zone, which takes a block-by-block approach to reducing the cycle of poverty through early childhood and family services.

At Baby U, fathers especially are encouraged to take an active role in their child's development. Baby U graduate Tyrone Fells said he appreciated the chance to talk to other Dads, especially about the separation anxiety he experienced with his infant daughter.

"Baby U does teach that and shows us just the importance of establishing your role as a father," said Fells, "and you know, being there and seeing you, and playing and interacting with you."

For other parents, Baby U may help break a cycle of trauma and teach them how to safely discipline their child.

Parents also receive free children's books, and learn the importance of what's called "serve and return" - responsive interactions that can benefit a child's physical and emotional growth.

Still, parents say it's the community-wide connections they appreciate the most, and the realization that in the sometimes stressful journey of parenthood, they are not alone.

A new study found an association between what researchers are calling the biological age of sperm and reproductive success.

While age is considered a major factor for women thinking of becoming pregnant, it is not often considered in male reproductive health, because men continually produce sperm throughout their lives.

Dr. Rick Pilsner, professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Wayne State University School of Medicine who led the study, said chronological aging -- or the normal passage of time -- does not always capture the aging process of the sperm.

"Chronological age does not take into account the intrinsic [makeup of] your genes and how they function," Pilsner explained. "As well as external factors such as environmental exposures, smoking, diet."

Pilsner reported initial findings showed a new measure, referred to as a "sperm epigenetic clock," could be a way to predict biological fitness of a person's sperm, and thus could be useful in predicting reproductive success. He noted the study was largely conducted among a white population, and said a more diverse cohort is needed to validate the results.

Pilsner added researchers think the sperm epigenetic clock could eventually be offered commercially to couples trying to start a family.

"This could inform clinical decisions on how long it may take to get pregnant naturally," Pilsner suggested. "And could inform people going into infertility treatment at an earlier stage, rather than waiting a year or two and having an unsuccessful pregnancy."

Pilsner pointed out the study found smoking is associated with a higher biological age. The next steps are finding out what other factors do, from chemical exposures to diet and exercise. He stressed another big question is whether epigenetic aging can be reversed, so men can be part of trying for a pregnancy in the healthiest way possible.