NASHVILLE, Tenn. - The divorce rate in the United States continues to fall, but a large percentage of couples still call it quits despite their vows of "for better or worse."

The reasons can vary as much as the individuals involved, although experts say there are ways to safeguard a marriage, especially when children join the family.

Babies and children can bring stresses ranging from a lack of sleep to extra expense and housework, said marriage counselor Patricia Mackie, so it is vital for two parents to be on the same page.

"If parents aren't really talking about how they're going to raise their children - they're not talking about their style, they're not in agreement on what they're doing, whether it's attachment parenting or any other style of parenting - that's very difficult on a marriage," she said.

Another key to getting through those first few years with children, Mackie said, is making sure fathers aren't left feeling like a "third wheel," as sometimes can happen.

"What research shows is the more that dads are involved, the more they get involved in the parenting and the daily lives of their children and playing with their kids and their wives together, the better their marriages are," she said. "So, I think that's just a crucial piece, as far as marriage goes and attachment parenting, is that dads have to be involved."

While children can bring challenges to a marriage, Mackie noted, couples with children actually have a lower divorce rate than do those without them.

"One of the things that research is also showing is that couples that share a family-centered view of family life and value raising children (are) more emotionally invested in each other," she said, "and they're less prone to divorce than those couples who don't have children or who don't necessarily value that family life and the raising of the children."

The biggest issue marriage counselors now are seeing is technology, Mackie said, as more laptops, iPads and cell phones are adding distractions - even in the bedroom.

The divorce rate in America peaked at around 50 percent in the 1980s and slowly has been trending downward. It is now slightly more than 40 percent.

More information is online at attachmentparenting.org.


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An interim North Dakota legislative committee this week got an update from state leaders on potential moves to reconnect kids in foster care with their biological parents if a court order is at play.

The North Dakota Department of Human Services presented findings to the interim Juvenile Justice Committee about this option, based on the views of legal minds around the state, including the North Dakota Supreme Court.

Cory Pederson, the department's director of children and family services, noted that about one in four kids in the foster-care system has no legal connection to his or her biological parents because a court determined it wasn't in the child's best interest to be in their custody.

"These are children that their parent rights are terminated, there's no adoption pending, there's no family that's come forward and said, 'We would like to adopt this child,'" he said. "They are basically the North Dakota orphans of the state."

Twenty-two other states have laws that create pathways to restore these rights, and Pederson said they reviewed some of them in gathering findings. Study leaders recommend North Dakota pursue a statute that would include waiting at least 12 months after a final termination order for a petition to proceed. Foster family shortages are cited as a driving factor for these laws.

One committee member questioned if the local state's attorney in the initial case would still be involved if there was reason to oppose the petition for reinstatement. Pederson assured the panel that would be the standard approach.

"A judge will make that determination at the hearing," he said, "but the state's attorney is going to be paramount in that process."

In the suggested framework for a North Dakota bill, another provision would block rights from being restored if sexual abuse had occurred or the parent in question has been convicted of conduct that resulted in the substantial bodily injury or death of a minor.


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With Father's Day behind us, an expert pointed out today's dads are more involved in their children's lives, leading to enhanced parent-child relationships as well as better overall mental wellness for entire families.

Brandon Eddy, assistant professor of couple and family therapy at the University of Nevada-Las Vegas, said dads want to be more than just breadwinners or a disciplinarian. They want to be involved in all aspects of child-rearing, which provides both parent and child a more enriching experience.

"We've realized what it is like in society when people talk about having 'daddy issues,' or when they had an absent father," Eddy observed. "They talk about all the struggles of that, but the inverse is also true. 'What if I have a really involved father? Who is warm and affectionate and dependable and there for me?' All the benefits that come from that."

Eddy pointed out children who have involved and affectionate fathers are more likely to be engaged in school, be more social and less likely to have issues with drug abuse or engage in criminal activities. Simply put, fatherhood is changing. Dads are spending about eight hours a week on child care, about three times more than they provided in the 1960s, according to the Pew Research Center.

Eddy stressed in order for dads to take care of children to their best ability, they also have to take care of themselves. He argued it is paramount for parents to take the time to attend to their physical and mental-health needs. He added while new mothers can experience conditions such as postpartum depression, anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder, so can new dads.

"So many of the things about new parenthood we associate with mothers, and that is great because moms need help and they need our support," Eddy noted. "But I always say at the same time, moms are only half of parents, right? Dads are the other half."

Eddy emphasized dads need help too, and encouraged people to look at fathers as complete parents. He invited people to challenge their conventional understanding of what masculinity is. Assertive, direct and strong are some of the words some may subscribe to dads but Eddy added men should also be given the chance to be kind, warm and affectionate.


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Virginia's General Assembly is taking up a bill to address outcomes for kids in foster care.

Previous legislation either failed to pass or was watered down in favor of further research on the issues. House Bill 893 would require Virginia's Judicial Council to adopt new standards for attorneys to qualify to represent parents in child dependency cases.

Valerie L'Herrou, deputy director of the Center for Family Advocacy at the Virginia Poverty Law Center, described the impact it can have on families.

"When parents have better legal representation, the children achieve their permanency goal faster," L'Herrou pointed out. "On average, four months faster."

She pointed out the faster turnaround can reduce state foster care operation costs. Typically, Virginia spends $305 million annually on foster care. Most opposition to previous bills has subsided, in light of state research about the extent of the issue. The bill passed the House of Delegates and has been referred to the Senate Committee for Courts of Justice.

With more than 5,000 children in foster care, L'Herrou argued now is the time to act. She added if this bill passes, it could serve as a springboard for future improvements to the system.

"I think this will start giving judges information that they need in order to effectively decide cases," L'Herrou emphasized. "When a case goes to court, you're hearing from both sides, and if you only hear from one side, then you're getting an incomplete picture."

The bill would also raise the rate of compensation for attorneys taking such cases. In the meantime, L'Herrou stressed programs are providing parents with sufficient legal representation. The Family Preservation Project has been filling the gap by taking what she calls a "holistic approach" to family separation cases.